What TV taught me to expect from “college”…

In Community, Abed Nadir puts together a bucket list of classic college experiences, obviously based on classic college movies Abed has seen. I haven’t seen “Animal House”, which according to both a character on the show and a brief scan of reviews of this ep is one of the films Abed is referencing. I actually don’t get many of the other references either, but the idea definitely resonates with me.

Below I have put together my Classic Uni Experiences bucket list, based on my viewing of popular-culture universities – although I guess I should say “college”, because I can only think of two movies set at university that were based in Australia (that one about the guy’s Mum who is diagnosed with Alzheimers and goes back to uni and that looking for Alibrandi movie (although I guess in “Looking for Alibrandi” they just visit the unis they are going to go to after year 12 if they don’t commit suicide because teen issues).

I have put together a list of quintessential college experiences based on television series and movies set in college or uni. Can you guess which ones?

Laurie’s Abed’s College “Bucket List”

1. Have a run-in with a bitchy clique that hasn’t yet realised that bitchy cliques are a mark of immaturity and need to remain in high school.

2. Help your high-school classmates into roles at plausible university clubs and organisations that equate to their roles in the social groups of highschool.

3. Meet-cute a shy intellectual with a passionate political interest.

4. Go to a bar where you run into other classmates and where you can hear well enough to use high-level intellectual debate to jockey for social position.

5. Drink too much beer.

6. Wear a toga.

7. Find a body.

8. Become an investigative journalist for the school paper.

9. Meet-cute a shy intellectual with inherited magical power.

10. Find out that the leader of the bitchy clique is a vampire. So it’s OK to kill her. Problem solved.

11. Drop literary and pop-culture references into your conversation that are instantly recognised and responded to by the person you’re talking to, even if you have only just met them and they are not the same age as you.

12. Put up a banner above a staircase while standing on a stepladder (possible setting for the meet-cute).

13. Go to a lecture about mythology and/or magic which turns out to have been delivered by a practicing witch or magician. She/he will offer you magical aid later on.

14. Become briefly romantically entangled with a hot guy who is later the key suspect/witness in a crime you have to solve.

15. Discover that fraternities are populated by the wealthy, misogynistic and rapey sons of wealthy, misogynistic and rapey politicians and businessmen.

16. Wonder why even though the fraternity guys are surprisingly explicit and overt about their rapey intentions and misogynistic and elitist views, they still somehow manage to attract hordes of conventionally attractive, skimpily dressed, vacuous looking young women who you never end up having a conversation with to find out why the hell they would talk to, let alone accept drinks from, these overtly objectionable menfolk. (Seriously, Shows, if only four women on campus seem to care whether the guys on campus believe women are people, you are not really providing much of a critique).

17. Find an underground passageway on the university campus.

18. Attempt to free live animals from a science lab, only to accidentally discover a conspiracy in which the unknowing test subjects are HUMAN BEINGS… and narrowly escape with your life.

19. Actually call someone “Professor” while speaking to them.

20. Be able to find (and afford) delicious-looking takeaway junk food at all hours of the night.

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3 Responses to What TV taught me to expect from “college”…

  1. Lost_Wanderings says:

    17. Does it count that you know of an underground passage but haven’t been in it? (ie underground passage to parking) and also I think the physics basement should count cos that’s underground and maze like.
    15. I think the engineering social club could qualify – they dragged their feet in the investigation into the O-camp and one of their reps said they were happy and their conduct and procedures.

  2. yakyakker says:

    What about the fact that 1st year students straight from high school generally should look about 35 years old? That’s the logical conclusion from Glee and Beverley Hills 90210.

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